(Public Speaking Tip #21)
“Don’t Catch Feelings”
We’ve all heard about those horror stories on the lack of care that someone may have when making a pot luck dish. I automatically think of the cat roaming on the counters as someone makes their “home-made” apple pie. Being that we are dealing with COVID, many don’t know when they will be back in the office officially, but I can only imagine the lack of pot lucks that will be going on this year. For those that do occur, the main thought that will be going through people’s minds will be simply: Did they wear a mask… Did they wash their hands? With that being said, you may choose not to partake in any potlucks. Ultimately, you are talking about a potential danger to your health. So they’ll be some coworkers out there that’s uptight because the dish they brought went untouched. As a speaker, you may not be dealing with food, but your message may not be for everyone. You can spend months creating it. The night before, you can spend hours making sure you feel like it’s just right. Still, for any number of reasons, it could just not work out. It can make you uptight and defensive. But I’m here to tell you that you should have tough skin and get used to it.
This can be tough to digest. You put in all this hard work to talk in front of a group of strangers (which is something so many are scared to do). Rightfully, you feel that their undivided attention should be on you for the next 15, 30, or if you are lucky to be a keynote speaker, 45 minutes. But it’s not that simple. In fact, it should be extremely obvious that your audience doesn’t owe you anything. Not their time.. not their interest.. not their sincerity. In fact, they could literally be people just filling in seats to past the time. As a speaker, it’s up to you to get them interested… keep them interested.. and provide value. I’m talking about value that’s so undeniable that they have no choice but to pay attention and take notes. That’s something you have to earn, so you can’t get mad if you feel like your audience isn’t giving you that respect or paying their undivided attention. You have to ask yourself, what are you doing to earn it? Are you providing value?
Some speakers tend to get full of themselves when they’ve had some success. Don’t be one of those people. Why? Because you can never forget that each time you get on the stage, you are fighting to prove your worth. You are a subject matter expert for the moment, but in that same moment you are fighting against hundreds of people who also call themselves subject matter experts and may haven’t yet had their opportunity to prove it yet. There is always somebody who is willingly to take your spot. Even the best of the best can’t escape this. They’ve just made it to the point where they are proven and they are consistently providing value. Ultimately, you are trying to either prove yourself as a subject matter expert or maintain that status. At the same time, it may require you to be vulnerable and talk about things that, in other circumstances, may have felt uncomfortable talking about. To simply put it, speaking can take a lot out of you, and you may feel like your audience owes you something. But they don’t.
When I say “Don’t Catch Feelings”, all I’m really saying is don’t get offended… don’t take things personally… don’t get discouraged. Many things won’t go your way, especially when you are dealing with other humans. People come from different backgrounds and have different beliefs, some that could potentially go against what you believe and whatever your message is. Many will form their own opinions about the information you provide and some people simply won’t agree or like the information you provide. They may be looking down as you are speaking, be on their phones or computers. They could be talking to someone else. Some may get up and leave. But don’t let any of it make you feel bad or affect your performance. As long as it’s not causing an obvious disturbance to you or the people that are listening to you.. don’t let the dim your light. Everybody won’t agree with your message. We are designed to oppose a way of thinking that we don’t agree with. The real question is, do you have what it takes to not lack in believing in yourself?
Make your next presentation, your best presentation!
Sincerely,
Julian A. Leonard
(Founder of The JLeonard Group LLC)
Previous Tip
Public Speaking Tip #20:
“Consider Speaking For Free”
I can imagine that upon reading the title of tip #20, many of you would disagree when I say that you can profit from speaking for free. And rightfully so. We all want to be paid for our work. Point. Blank. Period. For the months of preparation..